I’m trying to develop some new habits. Good ones, for those of you playing the home game.
This past month, I was committed to non consumption. Basically, no new clothes, no new gadgets, no video games, no board games, no frivolous purchases.
Surprisingly, I did not pass away as I had initially feared. Instead, I was left with a surprisingly small credit card bill to pay off at the end of the month. I was even able to use the previous month’s paycheck to pay it off. Which meant that I had the full value of the current month’s paycheck.
It was a good feeling.
Whenever I had the urge to purchase something, I would put it off, or put it on a wishlist, or write it down. Now that the month is over, I’m finding that I only still want to buy two things, instead of all of the things that I wrote down. Strangely, one of those things is another black jacket, which may seem to indicate some sort of black jacket problem that I may have. The other thing is a blender.
And not even a crazy $500 blender either. Like a respectable glass jar Oster that I can make smoothies in.
The idea that I can not buy something is a new feeling. It’s similar to the sensation I get when I drop off clothing at donation bins, or the feeling that I get when I canceled extraneous subscriptions. There’s a sense of falling, a sudden, “What if I need this later down the road?” panic that slowly subsides once I have donated it or left it behind.
Insecurity is created in the mind. I’m slowly learning that. I’m also finding that as I do more of these things, it’s getting easier to do. Clutter is leaving my condo slowly, but surely, and that is a great feeling. I don’t feel that tiny progress is useless any longer. I used to think that I was a failure because I was still bogged down by all of these things. Things that I haven’t used in three months of longer. Clothes that I haven’t worn since I don’t know when. Now I realize that this is a process. A process that I haven’t started because I was afraid.
Like a lot of aspects in my life, I’m finding that I am more at peace when I let things go.
Just not that black jacket though, that’s going to go out of season and be lost to me forever.