Discovery of the Day: Lapsang Souchong. Worst. Tea. Ever.

Ever.

Think beef jerky. Then think pine tar. Then think fake electric train smoke. Then, finally, add ass.

Ass.

That pretty much sums up the Lapsang Souchong tea experience. I may keep the box, use it to end dates quickly and effectively. I actually have a headache right this moment merely from the smell of the stuff. Good lord. The horror. . . I am going to do my best to blank this out of my memory. My God. This stuff is horrible. I cannot stress this enough. Do not, under any circumstances, no matter how much you want to try it, no matter how much it begs to be drunk–do not prepare the vile stuff.

Am I making myself clear? I’m not holding back here, I’m telling you my true feelings for this, this abomination of nature. I don’t know what this stuff is, but it certainly is not tea. It’s got to be something else.

Something evil.