Lots of Monkeys

I just spent an hour in front of the boob tube. Dinner had just arrived and Quix just happened to have it on. So I ate, and as I ate, I watched. At least I had dinner–so it wasn’t a complete loss.

The drivel in question was “Fear Factor” and “Dog Eat Dog.” Before you click on those links, be advised that the writing is just as sensationalistic and puerile as the shows themselves. I was particularly tickled by the Fear Factor “article” on balut. Here’s a sample.

Filipinos call them “balut.” Here at Fear Factor we simply call them gross. (Ed. Note: Like girls! They’re icky!! Ewwwww!)
We knew that balut – also known as the “treat with feet” and the “eggs with legs” – would make for a great Fear Factor stunt. But the trick was in finding out where to get a hold of some here in Los Angeles.

That’s Pulitzer material, right there. In NBC’s world, if you can’t be witty, certainly try to make a rhyme. It’s hip with our demographic.

Now, the trick is finding balut in Los Angeles. It’s definitely a trick. Me, I’d go to one of the Filipino markets in the area. The producers of this show apparently didn’t make the mental jump from Filipino food to Filipino market. In fact, they went back to some duck farmers, and then proceeded directly to Little Vietnam.

And they say merely watching television rots your brain. I’d hate to see the people that work for it.

I barely watch television. I can’t watch the television. I mean, I have things to do. I can’t see myself spending that much time in a stationary position. It’s like praying the rosary. You’re worshipping by sacrificing your time. These “reality shows” do nothing for me. I got the greatest thrill out of finding out one of the challenges in Fear Factor was eating balut. In fact, I called kuyaney and told him to turn on the television. Sure, I was grossed out, but only because they were eating it without salt.

Without salt.

I knew I was completely out of the television loop when the Dog Eat Dog episode was a “very special all-star” edition–and I recognized no one. Well, I did recognize one person, and it was Kato Kaelin. Everyone else was from another “reality show.” Names like Kaya, Ytossie, Richard, Susan and Darva mean absolutely nothing to me.

This has to be the one time I have been proud of my own ignorance.

I’m going to log off and get some reading done.

Recently, I’ve rekindled my love affair with pool. It started out innocently, long ago. Pool and I would see each other during special occasions. Usually for someone’s birthday or a going away party. We’d spend time together in smoky arenas, fumbling awkwardly with one another in the dark. Most of those times, I was drunk and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

Every now and again, we’d hit it off just right and things would go pretty well. Then, we parted ways for a few years, running into each other every now and again, casting long sideways glances at each other when nobody was looking. Then Nisa invited me to hang out with a few friends and Pool was right across the room–just as beautiful and simple and seductive as she’s always been.

Over the last month and a half, Pool and I have been seeing each other pretty regularly. Once, maybe twice a week, we hang out with a few other people and have a good time.

She hasn’t changed much over the years. She’s pretty much how I remembered her. Sometimes, she appears to not follow any rules at all. She lets me have my way only to change her mind at the last minute. She’s maddening. She drives me crazy.

Naturally, I think I’m falling in love with her.

If you are indoors reading this blog and are in the Washington DC metro area, go outside and have lunch, right now. Go on, shoo. I know the outside can be scary.

Trust me.

Just an experiment I ran on my birthday. I wanted to write down everything that happened to me on that day. Admittedly, it didn’t go as I expected, because others had different ideas in mind for that particular day. I had planned on writing everything that happened to me. Around 6pm, this particular experiment deteriorated. My brother called at around 8pmish but other than that omission–this list is as accurate as I can get it, writing things down soon after they happened.

June 26, 2002
9:56 am
Woke up. (earlier.)
Just generally feel apathetic.
But I want to write it down.

10:17 am
Mom called.
“You’ve accomplished a lot in twenty-seven years.”
Dad called earlier.
kalamela wished me “Feliz Navidad.”

10:23 am
Almost used personal credit card instead of corp. card to purchase equipment.
Thinking About: writing everything
Feeling: ambivalent
Listening to: Air Conditioner
Chatting with: Julie, jungfroid, nisa, explodingcat

10:36 am
Walking to the ATM.
Called jungfroid. Chatted.

10:42 am
Helped young mother with double wide stroller through doors of Crate & Barrel.

10:45 am
Burned right middle finger on EXTREMELY HOT ATM keys. Walked through no less than three spiderwebs.

10:51 am
Helpful cashier points out buy 1 get 1 free offer for AAA batteries. I find the planters trail mix I want. Am still pulling off spiderwebs.

11:15 am
Back in the office. Decided that I do not want to go outside for the rest of the day. Ordered a bbq chicken sandwich from the Cheesecake Factory.
Thinking About: All the cups of oatmeal I have to throw out at my desk
Feeling: kinda icky
Listening to: air conditioner on full blast

11:19 am
Received birthday greets from shakailin & ebugaloo.

11:26 am
Problems at the other office I administer. Time to borrow the car.

12:25 pm
Finished w/work here. Easy stuff.

12:37 pm
Thinking About: Treating myself to a dulce de leche shake for my birthday.
Feeling: Pretty good, actually.
Listening to: Still the Air Conditioner on High.

12:48 pm
Thinking About: lunch!
Chatting with: terrapingardens, julie, kalamela, tony, dan

1:38 pm
Lunch w/officemates.
Tried lemon mousse cheesecake–fantastic. Light, airy.
Found out officemate was in Minority Report in the GAP sequence.

2:41 pm
Thinking About: FAYD
Chatting with: terrapingardens, nisa, kuyaney, julie

2:57 pm
Whole lotta nothing going on. Mainly drinking water and turning down offers for dinner.

3:33 pm
Have to remember to put the stylus back. . .
Bit of monkeying around w/the cybercafe over here. Also got that shake I was thinking about.

5:07 pm
gnicklaser called to wish me a happy birthday.

5:41 pm
Caught a ride home with one of my coworkers. Now I’m sitting in a starbucks waiting for Julie so we can go shopping.
Thinking About: how it might rain
Feeling: again, ambivalent, but looking forward to dinner.
Listening to: StarBucks crap.

5:55 pm
Noticed younq lady forgot her wallet @ the Starbucks. Turned it in to the Baristas.

6:03 pm
Julie arrives fifteen minute early. We have tazo berry & cream. We talk about Dan.

11:30 pm
Had surprise birthday party.

I think it was about three years ago. 1999. Melanie and I had made a snap decision to take the Metro downtown to the mall. We didn’t have anything planned, but we were going to get off at Gallery Place Chinatown and miss all of that Fourth of July traffic.

We didn’t miss that traffic. It was packed.

We get off at the Chinatown metro stop and we started walking along towards the fireworks display, at least towards where we think it’s going to be held. We don’t find any spots. The mall is packed, so we keep walking, further and further away. Park police are ushering us towards some location until finally we hit a chain link fence. “Terrific,” we think. This is the end of the road. Fireworks are going to look tiny from here.

We hardly get to sit down when suddenly, not forty feet in front of us, just beyond the chain link fence–the first of the fireworks rockets into the sky. We had to lay down flat on our backs to watch the fireworks. Fireworks which were exploding directly overhead. It was beautiful and unsettling at the same time. Beautiful, in the fact that the display took up my entire field of vision. Unsettling, because it looked like the still lit fireworks were coming straight down at us.

I’d seen them before on television and from a distance, but seeing them directly overhead, lighting up the entire sky was overwhelming.

God bless the Chinese.