Lots of Monkeys

I cheated death in the Pentagon City food court.

No, seriously. I was eating a late lunch with jungfroid, starlightgloom, thepinklamb and Kim. It was July 3rd. MIB II had just been released. We were sitting on the edge of the foodcourt, just in front of the Electronics Boutique where I work “part part time.”

I was minding my own business, chatting excitedly about nothing in particular when suddenly, a loud ring interrupted us. Right in between Kim and myself, a long, heavy piece of metal which had been previously part of the protective railing–clanged on the floor with an extremely disconcerting clatter. It had somehow been knocked loose from three floors above us. After its liberation, it had accelerated to a good speed and fell into the six inch gap between Kim and myself. The loud ring we had heard was the piece hitting my chair.

Six inches either way would have placed the shaft into either my head, or Kim’s. Not a pleasant prospect.

So remember:
No matter how much you need to sit down and eat, no matter how full the food court is–try for something in the center. Preferably out of the dropping range of some psycho and a cinder block, or that fake potted plant they have hanging as “decor.”

Saw an updated version of “As You Like It” this afternoon. Quite engaging. I’m always impressed with the creativity and imagination that goes into productions of Shakespeare. Especially youth theater. Star Wars references, Cruella, western twang, WWE style wrestling, West Side Story, Scarface and probably a whole host of other elements all came together quite well. I was entertained. I laughed, I cried, I kissed ten bucks goodbye!

And I can say I went to the “Theatre” this weekend.

Watching the spider movie only makes me think, “If this were ever to happen–we are so completely unprepared for an arachnid infestation of that magnitude.”

The movie isn’t bad. Just be sure that you’re watching it with friends that can laugh at the movie and not take it seriously.

It’s slow to start, and it’s filled with cliche abundance. It definitely has the “camp” feel to it. Just don’t take it seriously, and it’s not that bad

So I’m reading a bit of the gaming news from the Madman’s Cafe and come upon this tidbit from the Atlanta Journal Constitution about pop up ads–on Television. Interesting article. I haven’t really watched television in a while, so it doesn’t affect me that much. I know that I hate pop up ads when I’m surfing. I’m trying to read something–then suddenly,

HEY THERE!! TRY OUR ONLINE CASINO!! FREE AIR TICKETS!! IF THIS IS FLASHING, YOU’VE ALREADY WON!!

When I did watch television, I fondly remember being able to use the restroom, go get a snack, etc. whenever there was a commercial or two. I really hope that pop up ads on television fail. Otherwise, I foresee an increase in the number of Tycho Brahe “open bladder” deaths.

I just spent an hour in front of the boob tube. Dinner had just arrived and Quix just happened to have it on. So I ate, and as I ate, I watched. At least I had dinner–so it wasn’t a complete loss.

The drivel in question was “Fear Factor” and “Dog Eat Dog.” Before you click on those links, be advised that the writing is just as sensationalistic and puerile as the shows themselves. I was particularly tickled by the Fear Factor “article” on balut. Here’s a sample.

Filipinos call them “balut.” Here at Fear Factor we simply call them gross. (Ed. Note: Like girls! They’re icky!! Ewwwww!)
We knew that balut – also known as the “treat with feet” and the “eggs with legs” – would make for a great Fear Factor stunt. But the trick was in finding out where to get a hold of some here in Los Angeles.

That’s Pulitzer material, right there. In NBC’s world, if you can’t be witty, certainly try to make a rhyme. It’s hip with our demographic.

Now, the trick is finding balut in Los Angeles. It’s definitely a trick. Me, I’d go to one of the Filipino markets in the area. The producers of this show apparently didn’t make the mental jump from Filipino food to Filipino market. In fact, they went back to some duck farmers, and then proceeded directly to Little Vietnam.

And they say merely watching television rots your brain. I’d hate to see the people that work for it.

I barely watch television. I can’t watch the television. I mean, I have things to do. I can’t see myself spending that much time in a stationary position. It’s like praying the rosary. You’re worshipping by sacrificing your time. These “reality shows” do nothing for me. I got the greatest thrill out of finding out one of the challenges in Fear Factor was eating balut. In fact, I called kuyaney and told him to turn on the television. Sure, I was grossed out, but only because they were eating it without salt.

Without salt.

I knew I was completely out of the television loop when the Dog Eat Dog episode was a “very special all-star” edition–and I recognized no one. Well, I did recognize one person, and it was Kato Kaelin. Everyone else was from another “reality show.” Names like Kaya, Ytossie, Richard, Susan and Darva mean absolutely nothing to me.

This has to be the one time I have been proud of my own ignorance.

I’m going to log off and get some reading done.