I’m in the gas station in Woodbridge, and I see it behind the other bottles. It’s humid. I’m thirsty. I’m going to buy a drink anyway, so I move a few of the other bottles out of the way so that I can get to it. Too much effort to expend for sugar water, I know. I read the label and chuckle due to the paradox.
NO FRUIT JUICE
NATURAL BLACK CHERRY, LIME, AND ANISE FLAVORS
I bring it to the register and hand them exactly two dollars and eighteen cents. This is amazing because I managed to pull out the exact change by accident.
I twist open the bottle and take the first sip. This stuff is green. As in, “doesn’t occur in nature” green. It looks like antifreeze cut with some water. Kinda tasty, though. Just FYI, black cherry, lime, and anise together taste like fruit punch.
I found it amusing, and it did take the edge off “mein thirsten.”
I’m talking about Matrix Powerade, of course. Those ads are horrible. The least they could have done was get a decent actor to play an Agent.