Shouldn't be this hard

I’ve finally decided that I want to retire the current rice cooker. Years of faithful service and abuse have finally taken their toll on my most beloved of appliances. This is the device that kept me fed throughout a majority of my college career. Now, the non stick coating is coming off of the bowl, the heating implement has scorched and impossible to remove bits of starch from years of boilover, and the entire unit itself lists to starboard.

I think that it’s time. I’m now in the process for looking for a suitable successor.

However, I’m having a hard time buying a rice cooker with specific qualities. I’m looking for a unit with “balance.”

Somewhere, there is a rice cooker that does not have a name like, “White Ballerina,” or “Pink Florets.”

This same unit will have “Cook” and “Warm” modes, and will not be endowed with Neuro Fuzzy logic that will enable it to determine when my alpha waves are optimally tuned to consume rice.

So, not too butch, and not too femme. I’m sure it’s out there, I just need to look harder.