Monthly Archives: January 2005


Just for the record:

Pokemon cause cancer.

A quick google search for the words “pokemon” and “cancer” return a surprising number of results. A few of the articles even mention “Pokemon Master” genes.

I have two questions: What was going through the researcher’s head when they named it the, “POK Erythroid Myeloid ONtogenic factor?”

The other question is, “What in the hell does POK stand for?”

I wonder what Nintendo’s official response will be.

Even worse.

The candies I mentioned aren’t even candies. I took a picture of the “candies” on a whim, and now I find that the picture is even more satisfying than previously envisioned.

The boxes contain “Milk Chocolate Flavored Shapes.”

There is plenty to say, but at the moment, I’m speechless.


Inauguration Day falls under the category, “Things that happen only once every four years.” Much like my Cadbury Creme Egg ingestion, and eating at McDonald’s. Although now I can say with a fair amount of accuracy that I have probably gone through the Clinton and Bush administration without choosing to eat at the local ingestible polymer allocation station.

Also on that list, is, “Seeing Metro packed with tuxedo and fur clad riders.” It’s a new experience for a majority of these people. Overhearing their conversation is like looking through tiny portholes into lives.

“Oh my goodness Reginald, did you hear how he pronounced ‘Tenleytown-Ay Youuuu?’ How quaint!” Her voice is filled with wonder and amusement.

My voice on the other hand, is filled with the harsh bitter reality of using DC mass transit for 12 years.

Welcome to Metro. I know that it may be the first time for some of you, and for others, it’s been a while–but stand on the left, and get out of the fucking doorways when I’m trying to get on.

Gun, jumped.

I’m in line at the drugstore. Not my favorite activity, and not one that I had planned. When I walked in, there was no line. I decided that I could find a box of aluminum foil and be back out in the brisk winter air. In the two minutes that it took for me to find a box of aluminum foil, no less than eight people materialized in front of the registers. I consider dropping the box and running, but I decide that I’m already committed, and I need the aluminum foil.

The line is so long that I have to find the back of the line through one of the aisles. It’s the “seasonal” aisle.

To my left are Spongebob Squarepants and Barbie Valentine’s day chocolates. At least, I think they’re chocolates. Upon closer inspection, the labels reveal that the boxes contain not chocolate, but “milk chocolate flavored” candies. I’m about to pick up the box to read the ingredients, but then the line shuffles forward 6 inches.

On my right is more candy, but a different sort. It’s the Cadbury Creme egg display. This year, they are introducing the “cookies & creme” egg. I’m mildly intrigued, but then the line shuffles forward another 6 inches.

Surrounded by Valentine’s and Easter paraphenalia, I count myself lucky that the drugstores have collaborated with the toy and candy companies to remind me that it’s the middle of January.

I had totally forgotten.

Shouldn't be this hard

I’ve finally decided that I want to retire the current rice cooker. Years of faithful service and abuse have finally taken their toll on my most beloved of appliances. This is the device that kept me fed throughout a majority of my college career. Now, the non stick coating is coming off of the bowl, the heating implement has scorched and impossible to remove bits of starch from years of boilover, and the entire unit itself lists to starboard.

I think that it’s time. I’m now in the process for looking for a suitable successor.

However, I’m having a hard time buying a rice cooker with specific qualities. I’m looking for a unit with “balance.”

Somewhere, there is a rice cooker that does not have a name like, “White Ballerina,” or “Pink Florets.”

This same unit will have “Cook” and “Warm” modes, and will not be endowed with Neuro Fuzzy logic that will enable it to determine when my alpha waves are optimally tuned to consume rice.

So, not too butch, and not too femme. I’m sure it’s out there, I just need to look harder.