Author Archives: "The Administrator"

Even worse.

The candies I mentioned aren’t even candies. I took a picture of the “candies” on a whim, and now I find that the picture is even more satisfying than previously envisioned.

The boxes contain “Milk Chocolate Flavored Shapes.”

There is plenty to say, but at the moment, I’m speechless.

Offhand.

Inauguration Day falls under the category, “Things that happen only once every four years.” Much like my Cadbury Creme Egg ingestion, and eating at McDonald’s. Although now I can say with a fair amount of accuracy that I have probably gone through the Clinton and Bush administration without choosing to eat at the local ingestible polymer allocation station.

Also on that list, is, “Seeing Metro packed with tuxedo and fur clad riders.” It’s a new experience for a majority of these people. Overhearing their conversation is like looking through tiny portholes into lives.

“Oh my goodness Reginald, did you hear how he pronounced ‘Tenleytown-Ay Youuuu?’ How quaint!” Her voice is filled with wonder and amusement.

My voice on the other hand, is filled with the harsh bitter reality of using DC mass transit for 12 years.

Welcome to Metro. I know that it may be the first time for some of you, and for others, it’s been a while–but stand on the left, and get out of the fucking doorways when I’m trying to get on.

Gun, jumped.

I’m in line at the drugstore. Not my favorite activity, and not one that I had planned. When I walked in, there was no line. I decided that I could find a box of aluminum foil and be back out in the brisk winter air. In the two minutes that it took for me to find a box of aluminum foil, no less than eight people materialized in front of the registers. I consider dropping the box and running, but I decide that I’m already committed, and I need the aluminum foil.

The line is so long that I have to find the back of the line through one of the aisles. It’s the “seasonal” aisle.

To my left are Spongebob Squarepants and Barbie Valentine’s day chocolates. At least, I think they’re chocolates. Upon closer inspection, the labels reveal that the boxes contain not chocolate, but “milk chocolate flavored” candies. I’m about to pick up the box to read the ingredients, but then the line shuffles forward 6 inches.

On my right is more candy, but a different sort. It’s the Cadbury Creme egg display. This year, they are introducing the “cookies & creme” egg. I’m mildly intrigued, but then the line shuffles forward another 6 inches.

Surrounded by Valentine’s and Easter paraphenalia, I count myself lucky that the drugstores have collaborated with the toy and candy companies to remind me that it’s the middle of January.

I had totally forgotten.

Shouldn't be this hard

I’ve finally decided that I want to retire the current rice cooker. Years of faithful service and abuse have finally taken their toll on my most beloved of appliances. This is the device that kept me fed throughout a majority of my college career. Now, the non stick coating is coming off of the bowl, the heating implement has scorched and impossible to remove bits of starch from years of boilover, and the entire unit itself lists to starboard.

I think that it’s time. I’m now in the process for looking for a suitable successor.

However, I’m having a hard time buying a rice cooker with specific qualities. I’m looking for a unit with “balance.”

Somewhere, there is a rice cooker that does not have a name like, “White Ballerina,” or “Pink Florets.”

This same unit will have “Cook” and “Warm” modes, and will not be endowed with Neuro Fuzzy logic that will enable it to determine when my alpha waves are optimally tuned to consume rice.

So, not too butch, and not too femme. I’m sure it’s out there, I just need to look harder.

What you need, man?

I just spent an inordinate amount of time watching two webpages update with news regarding the MacWorld keynote speech. All the rumor pages this time were remarkably accurate. To recap: MacMini, the tiny “headless” computer that retails for $499 and comes without a keyboard, mouse, or monitor. New versions of the applications that make up iLife. Tiger demo. And the iPod Shuffle.

The iPod Shuffle is really what I want to talk about today. The current iPod and iPod Mini players are already kings of the hill, in terms of mp3 players. You see white headphones everywhere. In the supermarket, on the metro, jogging. Market saturation and brand recognition are both very high. It is estimated that out of all the mp3 players out there, 90% of them are iPods.

So, why introduce another model? Moreover, why introduce a new model with fewer features than your current flagship device?

The iPod Shuffle has no display.

Lack of a display is unheard of for most mp3 players. If you research mp3 players on the web, you will find that the entry level models from competitors like Rio, or iRiver, Creative, or even Dell all have screens. The ones that don’t are often rated lower by both consumers and critics.

Why introduce one without a display?

Enter Apple’s Public Relations department. “Because life is random.”

Coming from a Public Relations background, I really love Apple’s “spin” on the tiny mp3 player. I can see them around the table now. For some reason, they’re all wearing berets and black turtlenecks.

“We will make shuffle the new black!”
“Embrace the chaos!”
“Random is fresh, young, hip, and vibrant!”
(And apparently green, if you look at the color scheme of the iPod Shuffle website and packaging.)

I’m not bashing the new product, merely gushing with appreciation over a very well done piece of advertising. Apple’s PR department has accomplished three very important goals.

First, they have glossed over a missing feature that is perceived by most consumers as a deficiency.

Second, they have taken that perceived deficiency and turned it into a value that people want in their lives.

Third, and most importantly, they have linked that value to the product and made it distinctly different from competitors’s devices.

They want you to believe that it will improve your commute, your exercise routine–your very standard of living will improve if you buy an electronic device that plays music. Who cares if you don’t know the title of the song or can’t browse through the music that you have now? (In addition to being random, life is also hard.)

Will it really improve my life? Who knows if it will or not? And to be honest, 90% of the time, I’m not looking at the screen anyway. But I’m not the target market. Considering that I sync the iPod with a database that displays the current list of all the media on my shelves–the lack of a screen would definitely hurt the chances of me purchasing such a device.

But parents, casual users, teenagers, people on the periphery who have always wanted an iPod but balked at the high “cost of entry,” into this musically oriented esoteric club–I can see them picking up one.

And from there, they’ll consider that MacMini at $499.

The first one’s free, unless it’s from Apple. In which case, the first one’s about $99, plus tax and shipping.