Monthly Archives: August 2002

Objects in mirror are older than they appear

You think people would learn by now that appearances mean jack shit. For the past month, I’ve been without my watch. It needed a battery replacement, and conventional watch repair places can’t do the work. They just can’t. So I have to go to a jeweler. First, some background information.

A long time ago, when I was still living in California, my mother worked for Tiffany & Co., and my father worked for a local Jewelers named Jessops & Sons. As a result, I spent a lot of time in the back rooms of jewelry stores. Part of my formative education included cuts of precious stones, ring settings, bow making, watch types, Faberge eggs, pearl stringing, spotting a person “casing” your store, two man grifts, Lladro figurines, and holding a seven million dollar emerald in my hand. One of the most important lessons I learned was customer service, which serves me well to this day.

Which is why it pissed me off when I walked into the jewelery store and the salesperson asked me, “Can I help you?” in that tone of voice.

I’ve heard the tone before. It’s the tone of voice used when the sales associate is trying to be sincere, but actually believes you’re going to be an incredible waste of their time. Meaning, “you couldn’t possibly afford anything in here, so how can I get you out of here as soon as possible?” This tone was refreshingly absent from the first associate I had spoken to, so I had decided to get the work done here. Sadly, it was quite strong with this one. I had come straight from work. The only thing I could think of was my youthful appearance. I ignore the tone and state my business, that another associate called to tell me that my watch was ready, that the work that I had requested was completed.

The tone continues, “I need to see your receipt–and what type of watch was it?”
I take out my receipt. “An Omega seamaster, men’s, two tone, black bezel and face.”

He starts to take me seriously now. I can tell. He actually sounds interested in finding the watch for me.

Now I start to use my own tone. “This was a simple cell and seal replacement. You took the watch in on July ninth. I approved the work on the sixteenth. This type of work normally takes three weeks.” I pause. “Can I get your name?”

He tells me his name.

“Yes, I spoke with you on the sixteenth.”

His eyes flit back to my receipt and he backs away from the counter to check on the watch.

After two minutes, he comes back with the watch. After demanding to see the work order, I then pay in cold, crisp bills. I mention offhand that I may be thinking about additional work on the watch–bezel replacement, overhaul–expensive work.

Now his tone is completely different. He’s done a complete one-eighty from his original stance, making sure I’ve got his card, that “anyone here at Blah, Blah & Blah would be more than happy to assist me.”

Right, I’ll bet you would.

Bonding

I hit the elevator call button. There’s no way that I’m going to take the stairwell–not in this heat. Even if it is the slowest elevator on campus.

I get in with two other guys, then another guy barely catches the elevator. We press our destinations and then take up spots in the elevator. As per male genetic coding, we set up equidistant from each other and don’t talk. I’m at the back of the elevator. Suddenly, the guy to my left jams his hand in the door. I find out why when she walks in.

Tall. Brunette. Leggy and showing it. In a word: Built. Wearing some sort of black wraparound dress and strappy shoes.

She says something, and the guy wearing a hat to my right presses a button.

Me, I’m checking her out. The up and down head motion, the whole deal. I look around and find out Mr. Hat’s caught me looking.

The thing is, we’re both doing the same thing. I raise an eyebrow and smirk. He starts to chuckle, then catches himself just as his floor comes up.

She leaves the elevator one floor later.

Later on in the day, I see Mr. Hat.

He smiles, “Hey, what’s up man?”

I laugh a bit, and I smile back. “Not much brother. Not much.”

Once again, it begins

The difficulty in swallowing. I’ve been ignoring it mostly, for the last couple of years, but as of late, it’s become less and less an annoyance and more and more an actual discomfort. I have two options at this point. One is to stop eating and feed intravenously.

The other thing is to have an outpatient procedure done which actually jams a pointed rubber pole down my throat. This tube, inexplicably filled with mercury and called a “bougie,” pops open the esophageal ring that’s preventing food from continuing on its merry way. And then I have to start watching what I eat. I have to start denying myself alcohol. And a whole lot of acidic or spicy foods. And salt. Probably best to avoid dairy too, while I’m at it.

I’ve put off bougienage, and as you can guess–I don’t like having it done. Some people have to have it done once a year. I’ve put it off for at least five years now.

I wonder why.

Just about the only good thing about this procedure is the demerol and the time off.

The thing is, my difficulty with swallowing means that the ring has closed to less than three quarters of an inch. Normal diameter of the esophagus is one and a half to two inches.

Where does it all go?

Friday: Atomic and groovin with Nisa, Terrapin-Gardens and Yuriko Kinje
Saturday: “Work” (Hey–it’s in quotation marks.)
Sunday: Dim Sum and xXx

Uh, xXx is an enjoyable movie in the way that The Scorpion King is an enjoyable movie. Except I’d rank Scorpion King above xXx.

PraxisLoki: Well, there’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back again.
julietz80: Right, you’d have been wasting that time anyway.
PraxisLoki: I could have been playing WarCraft.
julietz80: Shit, you’re right.

Dim Sum at China Garden was a really good experience, however. I highly recommend the group experience. An engaging assortment of really good food for not a lot of money. I didn’t see a lot of veggie options, except for the turnip cake and the taro cake. So, for your carnivorous friends, it’s quite good. For your vegetarian friends, I’d have to go with the Vegetable Garden out near the White Flint Metro station.

Which is probably the next pie stop, if Nisa has anything to do with it.

Next on FOX, when conversation logs go wild

Okay, just a strange sequence of words that more than likely have never occurred before.

Praxis Loki: your wife really has to stop sprinting from imaginary bovine predators.
Exploding Cat: well, it doesn’t happen every night. but if starts to become a habit, i’ll do something about it.
Praxis Loki:NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH COLONOSCOPY!!”
Exploding Cat: goddamn! i certainly didn’t expect that.

I love the art of the segue. Subtle. Under appreciated.