Cultural (De)volution

There is a point that every society strives towards. A point at which the members of that society take a good long look at all that they have accomplished and they can say to themselves, “We have done a fine job. Our people are well fed, they are happy, healthy, and enjoy a government based on intellectual freedom and basic human rights.”

America is never, ever going to get to that point. There are little events that indicate that America will never do anything of import, other than throw its military might around and pretend to be the last bastion of civilized democracy while at the same time whittling away its own citizens’s rights.

Signs that your society is misappropriating its money, time, and energy:

Pseudo Meta-Chinese Takeout.

I don’t know what else to call it. We are all familiar with the shape of the Chinese Take Out box. We know it in our sleep. We root through the fridge in the middle of the night, half conscious, our fingers exploring the deepest recesses of our refrigerators in search of the familiar shape. Past the jar of pickles, past the cheese, past the four pack of beer with a widget, and the pizza box from last Tuesday which may or may not actually contain pizza, lies the white box with the reassuring red pagoda on the white background.

The waxed cardboard trapezoid has saved us from the pangs of late night hunger on many occasions. We pick up the box and play a very strange and not so deadly version of Russian roulette. “Is this the beef with broccoli or the steamed pork dumplings?

The sad part is, the box doesn’t even contain real Chinese food. I knew Chinese food. Chinese Food was a friend of mine. That stuff in the white box–that sir, is most definitely not Chinese food.

So you understand my consternation and incredulity when I spotted this box “in my grocer’s freezer.”


Note the Chinese lettering on the side, lending the box an air of authenticity.

This is a box, shaped like the takeout box from bootleg Chinese restaurants, that doesn’t contain fake Chinese food, but some form of frozen food like substance that is based on fake Chinese food.

My head hurts.

And the Russkies–the frickin’ commies, mind you–have better pop music than we do.

What the hell happened to America?